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Pet Bereavement Services
When I started training as an end of life companion doula, my instructor said something that changed the focus of my entire doula journey.
Besides reminding the class that this was not an on-the-spur-of-the-moment decision we made to train - it’s a calling - she also said that we would come to realise that we’ve been doing some doula work all along.
It struck me that I have assisted numerous friends with the heartbreaking decision to say goodbye to their beloved pets, intuitively suggesting and creating rituals for them to create a peace-filled transition, not only for the pet but also for the pet parent.
I also recalled my childhood was peppered with elaborate funerals for animals who had died - pigeons, goldfish, field mice and even lizards.
The signs were there all along.
As I learnt more about the role of doulas, I delved deeper into pet bereavement. Not only the anticipatory grief associated with the decision to euthanise a pet, but most importantly the disenfranchised grief that almost all pet parents go through after parting ways with their furry companions.
If you live in a society, or have a circle of friends (and even family) that does not recognise the deep soul connection we have with our pets, they diminish your grief by telling you to “just get over it” or “just get another one”. Being forced to suppress grief is unhealthy, mentally and physically.
Having spoken to many pet owners who have loved and lost it is abundantly clear that there is a need for “pet doulas”. So while I am able to provide support as an end of life doula for the terminally ill, as well as apply doula principles as a business transition coach, my passion will always be helping pet parents with the complicated and heartbreaking process of saying goodbye to a fur child who has given their unconditional love for all of their short lives.
The column on the right will give you an idea of the pet bereavement services I provide.
Anticipatory Grief
​Understanding that your pet is nearing the end, whether from old age or illness, is difficult. Making the decision to ease the pain and euthanise is gut-wrenching.
There are inevitably feelings of anxiety, uncertainty and mostly guilt.
The questions of “if” and “when” are torturous.
Vets very mindfully avoid making that decision for their clients. I can’t make that decision either but I can provide some clarity on the process as well as timing. It will still be a difficult decision, but one that can be made with more insight and compassion.
Helping Children Deal with Pet Loss
Many parents will, understandably, try to lessen the blow to their children, but in the process they forget the deep bond their children have formed with the family pet, and most importantly, that in many cases this would be their first experience of death in their lives.
Not only is this a crucial opportunity to explain death to them but also teach them about love and loss. In most cases, excluding children from this process to spare their feelings, is more damaging to them in the long run, than including them and allowing them to say goodbye in their own way.
Parting Ways
As hard as it might be, planning the farewell is crucial. The goal is to have a farewell that is calm and peace-filled. You do not want the moment of transition to have a chaotic energy: for the pet or the family.
Just as you would plan a funeral for a family member, there is not only ritual and ceremony to consider, but also the procedure and admin to lock down beforehand, so that you do not have to make those decisions on the day. Preparing for the final goodbye is not easy but it removes any additional stress so that you can focus on saying goodbye.
